Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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