Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize