whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's blow job season.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
