I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
