Will you blow on my dice?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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