but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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