yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
