I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
