Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
