Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
