Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
