we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
