ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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