Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize