i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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