p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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