You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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