Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's get the cat blown out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
