Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
stop calling my apartment porn island.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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