I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
