Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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