I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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