Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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