I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize