The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is it penis luge time yet?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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