Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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