dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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