Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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