the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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