just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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