I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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