i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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