I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
