im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
