Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
