come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
