Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
