moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
