Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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