also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
