I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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