omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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