I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
