just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
