just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
