Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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