The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
