K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
