Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
