The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize