She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
