u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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