you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
