she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
