I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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