Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
