I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
