I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
