you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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