If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And then my night got REAL pukey
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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