dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
