Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
