My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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