I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she pinky promised me she was 18
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
