Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
