So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
