i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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