Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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