some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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