I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
