Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sorry my hands just texted you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
