oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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