Having a random hookup so left but love u
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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