He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
