I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
