my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize