I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
