I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
