Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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