just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
