Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
