i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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