we need to drink 2009 down the drain
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
