Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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