I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
