She said her name was "party"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
