I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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