So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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