i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's always time for handjobs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
