Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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